Where's your moon?
by Sturm and Drang
Summary: A certain turtle hermit winds up in the land of fire. He meets a kindred spirit who makes a bet with him. It's a good idea.


This is something my friend asked me to do. I said I'd think about it, decided to do it, half an hour this was born.

I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

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"Hey Baba. Baba. Sis. Sister. Old bat. Shrew. Baba. Sis. Baba. Sis. Hey sis."

"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU WANTED YOU PERVERTED TURTLE PERSON?"

"Give me X-ray vision."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because brother dearest. I know exactly what you want it for. The reason is stupid. You're stupid. And you should get out of my house."

"C'mon sis, please."

"Out of my house, off a cliff."

"You're just cranky cause I was mom's favorite."

"Okay, that's it." Baba raised her hands and began to chant.

"Are you giving me X-ray vision now?"

"Something like that."

"Hot dog!"

With a sound like a paper bubble popping, a circle of light appeared in front of the ancient perverted master. It's light made his head shine with the most eldritch of glows.

"Do I have X-ray vision now?"

"Almost, just step through the circle."

"…is this a trick?"

"No."

"Was that no a trick?"

"No. Step through the portal and the wish will be granted."

"Yay!" the master yelled, rushing through the circle of light and disappearing. With a sound like a yodeling wiener dog, the rip in the fabric of space time shut.

"The wish has been granted. My wish I mean, you're out of my house. Have fun wherever you are. You useless coot!

* * *

Roshi stood atop some weird rip-off of mount Rushmore, staring down at the sprawling village beneath him. He was starting to think that second no had actually been a trick. Which also meant the first no had been a trick. Which meant the whole thing had been a trick. He had no idea where he was.

More importantly there were at least five women he could see from up here and he couldn't see their underwear through their clothes.

Yep. It had been a trick. Who woulda thunk it?

"Screw this, I'm finding myself a beer."

Roshi was crying, it was just the most beautiful thing he'd ever read.

"Jiraiya my friend. You are gods gift to turtle masters everywhere."

"Thanks buddy." Said Jiraiya. Roshi had met this white haired guy named Jiraiya at the bar he'd found. Roshi had bought him a beer with the surprisingly legal money he'd had in his pocket. In return, His new best friend had given him the best book he'd ever had the opportunity to lay his lecherous eyes on.

"So what's your story friend?" Asked Jiraiya, his face flushed and words slurring from the booze.

"I'm a super powerful kung fu master from what I assume is another dimension."

"Super powerful huh?"

"Oh yeah. I once blew up the moon."

"Pfft, yeah right."

"It wasn't permanent. We gathered the seven dragon ball to fix it."

"That sounds kinky."

"Heh!"

"Pity you're lying."

"Am not!"

"Bet you are! Try to blow up the moon."

"What do I get if I win?"

"I'll give you a free complete set of my books."

"… There are more of these holy gospels?"

"Seven more."

"…Where's your moon."

* * *

"Tobi?"

"Yes Itachi my friend."

"Well me and the others have been talking…"

"Yes...?"

"And we've decided that this whole plan of yours. It's dumb. Like, really dumb."

"Nonsense. We're gonna gather nine super powerful beasts, mash them together into one super beast, shoot the super beast up onto the moon, thus turning the moon into an eyeball, which will allow us to control the world. It's simple, elegant and efficient."

"Yeah… no."

"Just look at the moon." Tobi demanded pointing at the luminous orb. "It's big, it's round, and it's probably made of cheese. Those are like, the only three qualities someone needs to rule the world. This plan will work."

Suddenly a luminescent blue beam shot out into the sky from very far off, racing into the sky towards the great orb in the sky. With a flash, moon blew up.

Tobi was silent. Staring at the new hole in the sky with a blank look on his face. Itachi cleared his throat loudly.

"So…" he began.

"Go away. I want to be alone."

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And thus it ends, as stupidly as it started. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
